click this for the first part of the story, After Morgan.
Morgan
Imagine yourself running away from the police.
As you run and sprint through the dark alleys of the city, you could clearly hear the siren of the vehicles had been creating. In every step you make, your heart beats faster and faster. It felt like it was already ripping out of your chest. And as you roam your eyes to find somewhere to hide, you felt your sweat trailing down all over your body as if it was like rain pouring down on you.
You finally found a place to hide. It was behind trash bins filled with garbage. It was filthy enough that it was already crawling down to your nostrils. You then covered your mouth and cried in silence. Trying your best to not make a sound, so that the police wouldn’t know where you are.
You kept on asking yourself, “Why did I do this? Who would have thought that I’ll be ending up at this state?”
Then you pondered, after this what will happen next? Where would you go? What’s your plan? You can’t just hide behind those garbage all your life. It was like hope was already gone, when suddenly a person entered your mind. You knew that that person can save you in some way. That person can even ease out the tension you’re already feeling, doing its best to calm you down. To tell that everything will be alright, which will surely happen. However, you realized that it wouldn’t be a great idea to pull that person into this mess that you have made. Clearly, it would hurt them, left them heartbroken. And you wouldn’t want that to happen.
You realized that no matter how hard you hide, there will be always a time that the police will find you. Karma will stab you deep in the back for the mistake that you have committed. And it’s now your choice to let that person cover its eyes or let them watch you get stabbed.
In my life, this person was named Theo.
And unlike anyone else, I rather let him cover his eyes to not see the mistake that I did.
I was no saint, that’s for sure. But I let him see me as one.
“So, what’s it gonna be?” I returned my gaze to Theo, sitting in front of me. He was already crying and I was courageous enough to show a composed front.
I needed to end this even if it may shatter me into a million pieces. I had this already coming. It was my mistake, and now I have to pay for it. If it takes us being separated to one another, I’ll take it. Instead of dragging him into the mess that I have created, I would prefer not seeing him at all.
Losing him will be like taking away a huge part of my life. He changed me. It may sound cliché but it’s true. I was far different from the Morgan before I met Theo, and it wasn’t something that I could be proud of. I was careless back then, so careless that it is now biting my back. Karma is really a bitch, and I deserve it.
The smell of donuts inside the Krispy Kreme didn’t flush away the tension between us. People were already looking at us, especially Theo that is currently sobbing in front of me. I never meant for this to happen. I never wanted to break his heart.
“Could you please answer me, Morgan?” he asked behind his hands already covering his face. “It looks like I am just talking at the wind.”
“I don’t love you anymore. Isn’t that enough?” I answered and bit my lip. I couldn’t bear lying to him. He’s just making this so hard.
I decided to stand up and walk away when he pulled my arm. He trailed his hand at the back of my head, while he reaches my lips using his. A tear fell down from my cheek because of what he did.
“Tell me that that didn’t make you feel anything?” he asked, his voice trembling. It was like he was begging or being desperate of wanting me to take back the words that I just said.
Pushing away the tearing pain inside my chest, I looked at him once again. “Stop it, Theo. It’s over.”
With that, I left him standing there all alone. The people were staring at the scene we had made, some were already taking a video. The staff didn’t even intervened between us or something.
But I didn’t care about that too much. All I need was to finally get away from him. I can’t stand seeing him this broken and destroyed. The sight of that breaks me.
Once I finally left the store, I could still hear his voice calling my name. Hearing the desperation in his voices urges me to look and run towards him; telling everything is just an insensitive dare.
God, I wish it was just for an immature dare just like the old times.
A month ago…
“Shot! Shot! Shot!” I heard my friends cheer as I laid my lips on the shot glass. The taste of liquor crept onto my taste buds once it reached my tongue.
The place was already spinning back and forth, but I let my body ride with the orbit and the loud thumping sound of the stereo inside the club. I closed my eyes, raised my arms in the air, and danced. I didn’t care that I have classes the next day, as far as I know our professors wouldn’t had the decency to show up.
“Morgan, it’s your turn.” I heard my friend, Val, said. Her red hair was tied into a ponytail, helping her backless dress show the tattoos on her back. “It’s time for your dare, sweetie.”
Despite me being a little tipsy plus the loud music, I could still hear and understand her clearly. I didn’t even know how we ended up giving each other dares. The last one they gave me was to lift my dress high enough that people could already see my underwear, which I have succeeded in doing.
This is how my friends and I bonded. We do extreme and random things. We didn’t care what we are doing, as long as we are having the best time of our lives.
“Also, are you okay? It looks like you drank too much,” said by the blondie as she held my wrists and let me sat beside her.
“Quit it, Rose. If she haven’t refuse my other dares awhile ago, then she’ll still be sober by now,” I heard Val chuckled and stood in front of me and Rose. “I dare you to make out with a cute guy you can find here.”
I smirked at her and tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear, “Piece of cake, Valerie.”
I stood up and roamed my eyes around. As far as I can see, everyone were already hooking up with someone. And my top rule in clubbing is: never meddle with someone else’s business. If the man is already locking lips with someone, stay away. Easy as that.
Val was already laughing behind me, while Rose was telling her to stop this little game. My hopes were already fleeing when I couldn’t find someone from the crowd. When suddenly, I eyed someone staring blankly at a distance. He was holding a glass of whiskey and he was sort of thinking something very deep. Well, that’s interesting.
I looked back at my friends, and gave them a wink. I saw Val smiled and Rose shook her head in disapproval, as I started walking towards the guy. He was tall and his hair was messy but yet I find it kinda sexy. It was like he has this aura of a present that needs to be unwrapped, like a thing that needs to be violated.
“Wanna dance?” I directly asked him. He got a little surprised because I just popped beside him out of nowhere. When our gazes met, I saw his eyes. Even though the club was a little dark, his brown eyes radiated once the strobe lights shines at his face.
He is that cute, after all.
“No, thanks,” he said. I got a little hurt when he turned me down, but I wouldn’t give up that easily.
I walked closer, reached for his ear and whispered, “Look, my friends gave me a dare to find a cute guy and make-out with him.”
I pointed at our table, where Valerie and Rose were already looking at us. They gave us a wave, then I looked back at him again.
“So, you find me cute? Well, thank you.”
After that, he went silent and couldn’t even look at me in the eye. Damn, this guy has zero game. But I found his awkwardness adorable, making me let out a giggle.
Without double-thinking, I held both of his cheeks and laid my lips on his, the same way I kissed the shot glass a while ago. His lips didn’t taste like alcohol though, but it was still intoxicating.
And like how vodka gave you a burning sensation on the inside, the taste of his lips gave me a butterflies.
At that same night, we met again outside the club as if fate already planned it. I texted my friends that I ended up eating with Theo, the man from the dare who I just kissed two times already, at Krispy Kreme in front of the club.
‘you little bitch! good thing i didn’t listen to Rose lol. luv u!’ – Val.
‘Keep safe! Text me if he started acting like a total creep.’ – Rose.
I laughed when I read their replies.
I don’t even know why I am here with him. It was a surprise that I was the one who asked him to come here. I have met and dated so many guys before, but this was the first time that I was the one who initiated for something. He has this mysterious side in him that I want to find out and undress like the plaid jacket he was wearing.
“I just can’t believe you’re eating donuts with me right now,” I heard him say as he took a bite at the glazed donuts we ordered.
‘I can’t believe I am already thinking about undressing you right now,’ I said to myself.
Theo’s silent, shy, and awkward. A total opposite of me. Yet I don’t know how I still managed to talk with him throughout the night. We were so dazed in each other’s sentences when we didn’t even notice that it was already four in the morning. We knew so much things in each other. I even found out that he was a writer from the best publishing house in the country. In fact, his friend convinced him to stay at the club to get some inspirations from the book he’s working on.
“Who knows that maybe this was all life’s plan? You meeting the solution your book needs,” I teased him, as I flipped my hair. He laughed at my confidence.
The butterflies started to act up inside of my stomach when his laugh entered my ears. I could hear that laugh forever. It was kinda perfect actually. I wanting to be a great director, and him already writing books. We can conquer the country’s film industry in a jiffy. It was such goals.
And by the thought of that, I realized that I still have school once the sun rises up.
“So, there’s a second time?” he asked in amusement, when we exchanged phone numbers.
“I like it when you’re awkward,” I winked at him as I returned his phone to him. “I need to go.”
Before I walked away from him, I ran back and gave him one last kiss before I go, “I just want to let you know that I like you.”
That was the third kiss we had in a span of less than twelve hours meeting each other. It was so fast in a lot of ways, but I didn’t care. All I know was that I wanted him and I hope he felt the same way, too.
Days had past and I was right. Theo felt the same way I felt towards him. We already had this connection between the two of us. Everything was going perfectly, and we always have the time to meet each other despite our busy schedules.
“Morgan…” I heard Rose called, as I was busy finishing a timeframe plan for the new film that we were about to do by next week. “Have you seen Valerie?”
I shook my head no and I went back from what I am doing. Crumpling the paper, I grunted when I noticed what I am doing was just nonsense. It clearly didn’t really match up with what our scriptwriter have written.
Searching for my phone in my bag, I decided to call Theo for some advice. Geez, he is the only person that can calm me, especially when I’m overthinking about school.
I was about to dial his number, when someone was already calling me.
“Hello?” I asked at the other line, quite puzzled on why she was calling me out of the blue. “Dr. Liz, is everything, okay?”
I finally heard her voice, but what she said literally sent shivers down my spine, “Morgan, you need to come to my clinic today. It’s about your test results.”
Present day…
Indeed, fate was testing me. Wiping the tears off my cheeks, I tousled my hair in anxiousness. I am still near Krispy Kreme, waiting for a cab to hail and stop, yet to my surprise there were none. I couldn’t even count how many times I let out a loud grunt every time a cab just passed me by. Can the odds of this day be ever in my favor? Just this once, that’s all I am asking for.
“Morgan…” I winced hearing his voice again. He was still there behind me, watching me get my hopes up that a taxi might stop in front of me. At least now, he was patiently waiting for me to speak up. He was still pleading for me to tell him everything. “I promise I will stop.”
Why does he need an explanation? Why can’t he just leave and accept what I said? Why isn’t that so easy? This is torture for the both of us, and we know that it’ll get us both killed in the end.
I was about to walk away from him once more, when I felt his hand pulling my arm. Without any hesitations, I pushed him hard. But with his built, that didn’t do anything. He was still close to me that I could even smell his perfume. The usual scent that I have always loved.
Before he was about to wrap his arms around me, I started pounding his chest with my hands. I kept on giving him punches as if that would help convince him to stay away from me. More tears were flowing down my face, my vision already turning blurry.
“You can’t be with me, okay? That’s not hard to understand,” I said, trying my best to spit those words between my cry.
His lips were trembling, it was like he was about to have a breakdown. But he still managed to utter, “But, why?”
“Theo, just p—”
“Just tell me!”
“I’m sick!” Shock both registered in us. He froze and I shivered in tears. “I’m positive. I have AIDs.”
Letting out those words felt like I was vomiting. It was something I should let out but I couldn’t, because until now I can’t accept it. After that phone call with Dr. Liz, I went to her clinic as soon as possible. It was just a normal monthly check-up, but I didn’t expect something like that would happen.
After hearing what she found out from my lab results, I could still remember how my world crashed over me. I felt like the walls started to shrink down, diminishing the space and air that I can consume. There was like a small clench inside of my heart, stopping blood to flow and nerves to feel. Like a fire inside of me got extinguished, leaving me with nothing.
Dr. Liz knew about me and Theo, that’s why she asked that maybe I got it from him. But we didn’t even do it, yet. And with that, I remembered several men I have slept with weeks before I met him. As I’ve said, I was no saint before Theo happened.
I love going to clubs and meeting so many people, in which I ended hooking up with some of them. I slept with strangers, letting them explore me as if I was an ocean enticing someone to dive in. I couldn’t count how many men I have shared a bed with.
At first, it wasn’t a huge problem for me. All I knew men only wants one thing from a woman, and I gave it that so easily. That was my perspective and belief until I met him.
I wasn’t proud of who I was before Theo and I hid it too much, expecting that it wouldn’t haunt me. Then sadly, here I am. Watching Karma taking away something that I never knew that I could have: eternal happiness with someone that truly loves me. He wasn’t like the others that wanted me for pleasure and satisfaction. And despite the short time that we have been together, he proved to me that someone can look at me like I was something worth having for.
When he came into our house a week after I isolated him, I was watching him beg in our front porch. He was so broken and so disoriented. He looks like he was losing his mind, and I couldn’t hate myself more seeing him being that way. This was all my fault. I let him love me too much that I didn’t let him see the true me.
“This is a joke, right?” Theo finally speak, still having a confused look on his face as if what I said was just a dare from Val. “Tell me you’re joking, Morgan.”
I tried not to sob after seeing his reaction. This was one of the reasons why I don’t want to tell him this. I couldn’t stand watching him judge me for my mistakes. I was careless, that’s true, but I didn’t want this. No one would want this to happen to them.
“No, Theo… it’s true. That’s why you can’t be with me.” It was a relief that I said those words. Now, I can finally walk away from him. I knew that he wouldn’t want to be with someone as filthy as me. No one would. I’m filthy like trashcans thrown into a dark alley no one wanted to run into.
Taking a step away from him, I once felt his arms wrapped around me. His warmth seeped into my body giving me comfort and security. I reached for his arms and tried to clamp it away from me, but he hugged me tighter.
“That wasn’t enough to have me leave you,” he whispered to my ear, sending sparks and tingles down my spine. “I don’t want you to face this without me on your side.”
We were both crying when I felt his lips kiss my ear. Theo hugged me tighter before I close my eyes.
Hearing him say that made me realize that I became too scared that I judged him in an instant. I thought that he would reacted the same way other guys do. But I forgot that he wasn’t like them.
Theo is that one person that always put your shoes in his feet. He is the person that chooses your priorities instead of his. He is that person willing to let down his walls and invite you to come in.
Theo is that person that makes you realize that time is running. That this world isn’t just made to waste time in ‘yesterdays’ and ‘tomorrows’, in ‘befores’ and ‘afters’, but instead it is something that needs to be filled with just ‘nows’ and ‘todays’. Savoring every moment without hesitations and doubts.
And with him, I think there is nothing I should be scared of.
So, how was it?
-A.
just bite the apple. 