Welcome!
Start brewing your coffee, and held onto your senses!
Let’s see how far in blogging I could go. I really hope we will have a good journey!
-A.
my tears ricochet.
Did I deserve, babe
All the hell you gave me?
‘Cause I loved you
I swear I loved you
‘Til my dying day”
(listen here )
Ester
“Baltimore? Are you sure you can go there alone?” I heard my daughter speak through the phone. “I can catch a plane and fly there to New York. Where’s Uncle Richard, anyway?”
“Richard’s in Manhattan, running the business. And don’t worry about me, Leah. I can manage myself.”
Before I could end the call, I heard her rant and complain on the other line. I chuckled when I remembered her grumpy face. She’s currently working in London in where she teaches Fashion Design. After graduating from university, Leah flew to London and began her journey as a professor. She has been working nonstop to the point that I don’t really know if she had the time to date, marry, and start her own family.
After what happened between me and my husband, I noticed her being too realistic with things. There were even times that I considered setting her up with someone but Richard always protested in that idea, making Leah to stop disliking him. It warms my heart seeing my daughter getting friendly with the new man that I wanted to be with. It wasn’t that easy for her to adjust seeing me with another lover.
“Ma’am, we’re here.” I heard my chauffeur speak, without even realizing that we already arrived at our destination. It was almost a three-hour drive, curse this traffic!
I fixed the jewelry that I was wearing: white pearls on my neck, diamonds on my fingers. Even though my skin was starting to form wrinkles, it would not stop me from wearing the pretty things I loved since I was young.
My black pumps kissed the grass as I got out of the vehicle. The place was so quiet and from the distance I spotted a family, all dressed in black just like me. I began walking towards them and my heart started to pump out of my chest.
It has been twenty years.
As I got closer to them, they all turned to me. Their eyes were all puffy and red from crying. The woman in front of me has this gray hair, mirroring mine. But behind her wrinkly face, no one would ever lie about how pretty she still was. It was more than twenty years that I last saw her face, but I could still see how she kissed him at a café in Brooklyn.
“Ester…” she said, taking a step back as if I was about to slap her.
If I was in my forty-year-old self, I would still have satisfaction to do that. I would be more willingly to do more than just slapping. But no, I have changed and my old body wouldn’t have the energy for a catfight.
I looked at the gravestone in front of us, the name of the first man I loved and married written on it. A heavy weight on my chest was now starting to form. Tears starting to stream down my face.
“I’m sorry for not being there with you,” I whispered and looked at the woman behind me. I offered her my hand and she slowly took it.
Pulling her beside me, we both continued weeping. Our cries were the only thing that can be heard in this cemetery.
‘Meredith’, I remembered Caesar said when I asked him about her name; the one that he cheated me with; the one that society considers his mistress.
But now standing on his grave, she wasn’t just a mistress. She is also a wife grieving over her lover’s death.
Continue reading “my tears ricochet.”exile.
And I didn’t like the ending
You’re not my homeland anymore
So what am I defending now?”
( listen here )
Leah
When we were kids we always cry over stupid things. You probably cried when you lost that brown teddy bear you used to love and cuddle so much. Or maybe you cried when you tripped over the dirty mud because you were chasing your paper boat, rushing with the currents of the lake at the back of your house.
As a kid, we were so terrified about the ghosts that’ll pop out of our closets. We were so scared when the lights suddenly turned off, the darkness suddenly swallowing you whole. Or how about that story your playmates always share about the Boogeyman?
Life was so peaceful when we were young, crying and being scared of these little things. Who would have thought that more horrible things actually existed?
Continue reading “exile.”cardigan.
And you’d be standing in my front porch light
And I knew you’d come back to me.”
(listen here )
Elisa
Is it too much to ask a love that would last? Would it be inhumane to hope for a relationship without heartaches? Can I just have someone to love without the countless episodes of being wanted and unwanted? Would it be possible to have that?
Continue reading “cardigan.”the 1.
If one thing had been different
Would everything be different today?”
(listen here )
Dominique
Do you ever wonder what our lives would be if we didn’t let fear win? How happy would people be when we don’t think of the consequences of our choices? If we just do the things that we wanted to do? If we just love the people we wanted to love?
“Enjoy the night, Mr. Bautista,” the receptionist said after she checked my invitation. “The party’s on the 36th floor.”
The smell of lavender wafted to my nose as I was walking across the hotel lobby. Many people were in their gowns and tuxedos while they were talking to one another. It was funny that they really followed the theme of the party since I could remember some of them protested against the whole concept. They thought that recreating our high school prom for our reunion party would be a waste of money since we have to replicate the exact thing we wore that time. But turns out, they still complied after all. Some greeted after they recognized me and I did the same thing. I didn’t talk to them that long because I was so eager to get to the party.
My heart started to beat faster once I entered the elevator. It has been ten years since I’ve last seen my batch mates and I know a lot would be different. It’s baffling how a person changes in that ten years. Another part is I never got really in touch with everybody. Well, except for Elisa. She was the only one that I really got close with the whole class. Before I arrived at the hotel, she texted me that she was already inside.
Thinking about Elisa, I then realized the other people that I should expect. Will they be here as well? After ten years, will I finally be seeing them in person?
And as the elevator reached the 36th floor, the booming sound from the stereo welcomed me. I could hear people laughing, catching up with one another. I could see people dancing on the middle of the dance floor with the same songs that were played from our prom. And near the photo booth, exactly in front from where I am standing, I could already see them getting in line for a picture.
The woman was wearing a black long gown and she was laughing at something. And finally my eyes went to the man beside her. His hair was longer than the last time I’ve seen him, Kristian. Stubbles were even evident on his chin despite the strobe lights orbiting the whole venue. I was right that during those years a person can drastically change but after seeing him again right now, everything shifted ten years backwards.
After seeing him again in person, everything came back to me: the heartache, the longing, the yearning. Everything that I felt about him crashed through like a rushing ocean wave.
And after ten years, I was letting it drown me all over again.
Continue reading “the 1.”tales or myths.
just a note
Hi!
The stories under this series will be based from my own interpretations of songs from Taylor Swift’s folklore. I hope you enjoy my take on the different stories she created, especially the ‘teenage love triangle’. I do apologize that I couldn’t write about the entire 16 tracks lol. I am just so obsessed with this album because of its storytelling and lyrics. This is album of the year, indeed.
That’s all, k thanks bye!
(you can see the finished stories by scrolling through
1. Words with Roses; then 2. Stories)
-A.
i still love you
Julles
The rain was pouring down on me.
I felt the water seeped inside my boots while Yen and I ran. The wind was howling, as leaves fly away from its branches. I couldn’t even decipher what was on the road because the rain was already distorting it.
“There!” I looked at Yen after she shouted. As I trailed her finger to what she was pointing, I saw a well-lit coffee shop from a distant. We dashed to the café, our squeaking boots singing along the pouring rain.
“Why didn’t we bring the car?” I asked her as we entered. There was nobody inside, just fully-stocked treats everywhere and the banging window at the end of the shop.
I was about to speak again before I saw the establishment’s sign plastered on the door. Then it finally made perfect sense why there weren’t any personnel on sight.
“Honesty Coffee Shop,” I told Yen, who was settling her own traveler bag on a wooden table. “The one we searched yesterday.”
She didn’t answer because she was so preoccupied with squeezing rain out of her yellow scarf. She then opened her bag and pulled out its content. Her camera, her journals, her snacks, every piece inside of it.
“You told me there weren’t any chance of raining today. It’s basically storming outside,” she ranted while she was pinching the bridge of her nose.
I was about to answer her back when she suddenly stood up and walked towards the cookies on display. She was pissed off because of the sudden change of the weather, but I know deep down there are other things bothering and pissing her more.
The rain was still kissing the store’s roof, so heavily that I wouldn’t hope that it’ll pass any minute.
“Climate change isn’t my fault, you know?” I told her and laughed to ease down the tension.
My boots squeaked as I walked towards her. Then that was the time I noticed that her shoulders started shaking. She began to sniff and I already know she was crying.
I rested my chin on her shoulder and whispered, “What’s the matter?”
Silence enveloped us, as I was waiting for her to spit out the truth on why she was so devastated; and I know that it isn’t just this stupid rain ruining our travel here in Batanes.
“Want to say what’s wrong?” urging her more to speak up.
She was wiping the tears falling from her eyes when she finally decided to face me, “Let’s just stop this, Julles. Let’s call off the wedding.”
I felt her hand reached mine and stuffed something in my palm. She was about to walk away from me, doing her best to create a dramatic exit, when the rain poured harder as if telling her to stop. I saw the panic from her when she realized that she had nowhere to go now.
“Really?” I was trying so hard not to let out a laugh as I waved the thing she gave to me: her engagement ring.
Continue reading “i still love you”#WF E04: The Art of Being ME.
As a millennial or Gen Z living in this problematic world, have you counted the times people minded your business? The times where your ‘friend’ told you to stop wearing clothes you loved wearing because for her its ‘baduy’? Your ‘bro’ telling you stop articulating your words because it makes you sound ‘gay’ (also it’s already 2020 and why do we still consider our friends from the LGBTQ+ community a form of insult to someone?)? Or even your tita and tito making fun of your own beliefs?
Tara and let’s rant about it, because sawang-sawa na ako.
Continue reading “#WF E04: The Art of Being ME.”#WF E03: Self-Care in the middle of Quarantine
‘Kamusta ka na?’ Have you ever asked that question to yourself, especially during this quarantine period? How did you take care of yourself amidst this pandemic? Let’s seat back and talk about how you’re doing despite the whole chaos the world is having.
Continue reading “#WF E03: Self-Care in the middle of Quarantine”the night we met
Alex
“August 1, 2001.”
The calendar had said as I was pouring coffee into my cup. I opened the curtains and watched the sunshine flowed across our kitchen tiled floor. The birds outside started to chirp and sound of the leaves started to rustle within their voices. As I peeked out the window, a vast bed of Siargao Island’s ocean waved at me from the distance. It’s already a year in this island living, but I still haven’t fully adjusted.
I turned behind me when I heard footsteps walking down the stairs and there she was, the most beautiful woman I ever saw. Her hair was flowing down to her chest over her velvet pajama. She was still yawning and a huge smile was plastered all over her face as she saw me.
“Good morning, pretty lady,” I complimented her as I gave her a peck on her right cheek.
We walked back to the kitchen counter and gave her a cup of newly-brewed coffee. She reached for two sugar cubes and dumped it down the black liquid. The usual.
“Did you wash the dishes last night?” she asked after seeing the dirty plates on the sink. But before I could even answer, she continued, “I loved the smell of my bedroom. Was that your perfume? Also I saw the clothes you put on the bed, are we going somewhere?”
I just nodded as an answer and said, “We’re going out tonight.”
Her lips formed into a curve then she squealed in excitement. Seeing her happy gives me air to breathe and warmth to be calm. I felt her wrapped her arms around me and said, “It’s going to be a great day!”
It is a nice day, indeed.
Continue reading “the night we met”true colors
This is a bad idea.
“I think this is a bad idea.” I gave an exasperated face when I heard my sister, Sheena, complained once we got off a bus. Even if she was hugging herself, I could still see her slightly shivering. I couldn’t laugh at her because even I was shivering, too. It looked like my beige hoodie wasn’t enough to keep me warm in this city.
“No, it is not,” I lied to her as a reply.
She’s right, though. This is really a bad idea but I need to make it work. We didn’t waste time and money to take a bus from Metro Manila and ride to the coldest city of the country, Baguio. And no, we weren’t here for the strawberries or to take pictures of the Lion’s Head.
“Well, you still have his address?” Sheena asked as she was already rummaging through his bag. “Because we need to go already. It’s freezing here.”
After I tied my hair into a neat bun, I fetched my phone and looked at my photo gallery. Pictures of family and friends showed through the screen. I kept on scrolling until I found the picture that I was looking for: a picture of a man and a picture of the address on where he lives.
Got it.
I tighten the slings of my backpack and looked at my sister with determination, and said, “Let’s go find him.”
Continue reading “true colors”
just bite the apple. 